The best clean blonde jokes poke fun at the stereotypical image of the ditzy blonde. They are all meant in good fun, although you should use caution in sharing these jokes with your fairer-haired friends. It's not worth offending someone just to get a laugh.
1. Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice container?
2. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
This is one of the best clean blonde jokes because the pay-off isn't instant. There's a moment before the listener or reader realizes that the joke is actually on him. Another variation on this joke includes handing someone a card saying, "Turn over to find out how to keep a blonde busy for hours" on both sides.
3. A blonde approached a pop machine and put in a dollar. Out came a cola. She put in another dollar. Out came a root beer. She kept doing this, becoming more and more excited with every can she purchased.
Finally, a man came up behind her and asked if she would mind letting him buy a drink. The blonde responded, "Are you crazy? I'm not leaving this machine while I'm still winning!"
As you read this joke, you begin to wonder exactly what the blonde woman is thinking. When the punch line comes, it brings both an "Aha!" moment and a laugh.
4. Three blondes were going for a walk when they saw some tracks. They began to argue.
"Those are deer tracks," said the first blonde.
The second blonde said, "Those are elk tracks."
"You're both wrong, those are moose tracks," said the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
This one is the best clean blonde joke for those with a darker sense of humor. As with many jokes, the fun is in the unexpected twist, in this case, when the meaning of the word "tracks" changes.
5. Two blondes drove to the mall and lost the car keys. They ended up standing in the parking lot frantically trying to unlock their car door with a coat hanger.
The first blonde said, "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" The second blonde answered, "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, it's starting to rain, and the top is down!"
The situation seems serious at first; many people know the feeling of locking your keys in the car. The punch line adds the all-important twist when you realize the two blondes aren't really in trouble, and it's just their own lack of common sense getting in the way.
6. A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, would you like to hear a great blonde joke?"
A voice next to him says, "Go ahead, but before you tell that joke, I think I should tell you that the bartender is a blonde, the bouncer is a blonde, and I'm a blonde with a black belt in karate. There's another blonde next to you who is a body builder. Are you sure you still want to tell it now?" The blind man answers, "No, never mind. I don't want to have to explain the joke four times."
With this joke, you almost expect that the tables will be turned, and blondes will come out on top for once. However, the punch line brings it back into familiar blonde-mocking territory.
7. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A blonde at a flashing red light.
This joke adds a new twist to an everyday sight, so you can almost picture someone doing this exact thing.
8. How did the blonde get hurt while ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni.
When you first hear "ice fishing," you think of a certain situation, but the entrance of the zamboni changes the setting completely. The switch results in another joke that creates a great humorous image.
9. A blonde and a brunette were walking through a park, when the brunette said, "Aw, look at the poor dead bird".
The blonde looked up and asked, "Where?"
When we enjoy this joke, we're really mocking ourselves because it's a force of habit to look up when looking for a bird - it would be far too easy to do the exact same thing. Yet the reality of looking for a dead bird in the air is so ridiculous that you can't help but laugh.
10. She was so blond that…
when she was going on vacation and saw a sign saying, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
she sold the car for gas money.
she drew on her forehead with lipstick when someone told her to make up her mind.
Quick and to the point, while these jokes are used to describe blondes, they are also popular in making fun of nearly anyone. "Yo' mama" jokes are one popular subset of this type of humor, as in "Yo' mama is so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl."